Monday, July 11, 2016

Who do you tell
That you're tired?
To whom do you say that sometimes you feel the weight of a thousand worlds on your mind
Not a physical kind, but one that in spite of your
Mental fortitude
Intellectual capacity
Will to persevere - 
You wonder - why does it seem like it's never enough?
You wonder - what will it take to return to joy?

Who do you tell
You feel lost?
 How do you say that you, once the beacon of direction
Of common sense
The logical one
The faith-filled fire brand
Feel lost upon the oceans that once provided comfort to your soul
That the prayers that once brought you warmth
Now sound empty
The Benevolent far away, cold, angry, unreachable.

Who do you tell 
That you're scared?
That the fearless one has a ghost
Gnawing on the insides of her mind?
Always wondering, always watching
Trying to keep the howling hounds in your head at bay.
Think! But all that is ahead is an abyss
With no idea how to cross it
And the promise of a better this and that fading
With each look into the warm endless blackness.

You feel lost, but not lost;
Scared but hope holds on to the waning flame for dear life, waiting. Hoping;
Tired but knowing that the day of rest must come, in this life, or the one to come.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Karma Is Many Things


‘Maimuna, you don’t know what you’ve started!’

I knew what I’d done was crazy, but I said ‘I don’t care’.

‘Like hell you don’t!’ I turned to give him a cold, icy stare, and returned to watching my show on my ipad.
‘What are you going to do now?’ He was pensive, looking around like he’d done something wrong. ‘Finish my show if you’ll stop shitting yourself and screaming like a little girl for fifteen more minutes’.

I was done. Done with putting up with false smiles while his parents stuck every knife they could find in my back and watched me bleed. They would stand there smiling as they watched me try to stick my guts back into my body and patch myself up, too spent to shed another tear.

A cut here, a slash there; no harm done right? I’m done with that shit.

‘You don’t have to hang around. You didn’t do anything. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come back.’

‘I’m not leaving you here alone’ he shot at me, ‘Then you need to calm the hell down’ I shot right back.

I ran over the different scenarios in my head. Importantly, they had no idea it was me. I had come across certain papers last year; papers that proved that Mr. Ojuade had been evading taxes and helping himself to huge sums of company funds. Mrs. Ojuade had a charity she had been using to help her darling husband launder money across continents. I was going to leave well enough alone, but this time, they pushed me right over the cliff. Well, suckers, someone should’ve told you I would climb right back up that ledge and kick you in the nuts. If only you knew what I knew, you’d have been more careful with me. Or tried to have me killed.

Right now, there were scores of reporters outside, 3 TV station vans and more on the way, and it wasn’t even 7am yet. These people get up early sha. LOL.

Sharing is caring. You’re welcome.

Mrs. O could be heard coming down the stairs gingerly, as though she expected to meet a robber in her living room. Right on cue, the house phone rang and she jumped nervously. ‘Will you get that Maimuna? Or are you planning to lie on your fat lazy ass all day long?’ She turned to her son ‘Sola olowo ori mi, what in the world is going on out there? Why are there so many people outside? What do they want? Why have we not called the police to remove them from our lawn?’

‘Mom, we haven’t called the police. We were waiting for you and dad to come downstairs. They’re journalists, you know’. ‘And so WHAT?’ She said the ‘what’ in a sort of whisper-scream that betrayed the fact that she did care that they were members of press who couldn’t be treated like her beleaguered office staff.

Mr. O finally made an appearance. ‘What’s going on here? Sola, who are those people outside and why did Musa not keep them out?’

‘Oko mi, they are journalists!’ Mrs. O tried to act like she was in control of the situation. Mr. O gave a short laugh. ‘I think I know what this is about. The Senate must have approved my nomination as Minister last night. Let me get dressed so I can attend to them’.

The phone rang again. Chewing my gum noisily, I asked ‘What should I tell them sir?’ ‘Tell them I will be with them shortly and I cannot take any calls until 10am, when my P.A. will be here.’ As he walked back up the stairs, he muttered ‘So early though! Hmm. Uneasy lies the head eh?’, and another short laugh.

He hadn’t made it to the top of the stairs when police sirens started blaring as squad cars pulled up in front of the house. ‘Ah, thank God they’re here!’ Mrs. O’s relief was so great she went to get the door herself.

‘Good morning madam. Are you Mrs. Ojuade?’

‘Yes I am the lady of the house. Thank goodness you’re here! When will you start dispersing the crowd? I was worried you know?!’

‘Where is Mr. Ojuade please? We need to see both of you.’

‘Daddy!! Daddy Sola please come quickly. The policemen would like to see you’ She offered the five men a smile and gestured at them to be seated. I knew precisely what that smile meant now. It said “I can’t wait for you to do what you came to do and get out of my house. Don’t get any ideas or get too comfortable. The last time your colleagues were here I had to have the upholstery dry-cleaned. What an inconvenience!”

‘Yes gentlemen. I suppose you’re here for crowd control. I don’t have a speech ready but I will be magnanimous enough to meet with them, and then you can escort them away for trespass…’

‘Mr. and Mrs. Ojuade, you both under arrest for tax evasion, fraud and money laundering. Here is your warrant for arrest. Please come with us peacefully or we may find it necessary to use force’

‘WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN???’

‘You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to a lawyer…’

Still shell-shocked, both of them were handcuffed by the policemen and herded out the door. The second the door opened, it could have been the Academy Awards night with all the flashlights and cameras out there. Yes, the Ojuades liked to be in the limelight, and I’d made sure Christmas came early for them.

The leader of the policemen turned back to us and asked ‘Will any of you be coming along?’. We both shook our heads silently. ‘Alright then, we are taking them to Obalende Police Station, where they will be in custody until a magistrate decides whether they can post bail’.

Sola managed to say ‘OK sir. Thank you.’

As the police cars drove off with the reporters running after them, I went back to my couch and picked up my ipad to finish my show. Sola turned around as though in a trance, picked up his car keys and walked out of the door.

Sola would probably never marry me now, but I hoped we could survive it. Today was for all the ways they had humiliated me publicly, ruined my chances of getting several jobs and insulted me to my face, simply because my mother had been a prostitute. A prostitute and one time mistress to Mr. Ojuade.


Karma is many things. Not just a beach in Lagos.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Dance (1)

I came to be wooed.

It was that simple, and yet it wasn't. It was often implied and sometimes said, that I was the most powerful person in the company. The way I see it, I had the most dangerous job in the building, but they were too busy mistaking responsibility for power to see it.

I had several nicknames: 'oga trigger', 'aburo Chineke' 'commander of the empire'. Grand sounding names that scared me, reminding me of a saying in my village - grand titles are used to kill a dog.

Today, my suitor was a kid of about 19 or 20 years, and his suit hung awkwardly on his shoulders, the way mine did about a decade ago. Oh, it actually belonged to my roomie; but I digress.

For his age and despite the shadows underneath his eyes, he was bold; and young eyes met mine as he introduced himself. David Nwankwo.

He eased quickly into his presentation, confident without sounding arrogant, passionate yet wary of sounding too optimistic, articulate and calm yet with the trepidation of a boy asking a really hot girl out on a date.

He made me smile.

His presentation was simple and straightfoward, but lacking in one or 2 details and I told him so. Something about this boy brought out the patience in me, and patience was a virtue this job had stripped me of.

'Who are your parents?'

'My father is dead. My mother is a trader - Mrs. Irene Nwankwo'.

'Did you have any help putting this together?'

'Yes sir. The ideas are mine, but my brother helped me make the presentation and practice my delivery'.

'What does your brother do?'

'He's a cleaner at Above & Beyond advertising agency.'

Curious.

'What school are you in? What course?'

'Lagos State University. Mechanical Engineering. I'm in my 2nd year sir.'

I asked him about student union politics, the weather, global economy at length. After 15 mins, he interjected my inquisition with a question of his own.

'Do you think my idea is worth backing sir?'

A hint of impatience, or you could call it focus. Depends on what colour of shades you're wearing.

'I want to see a scenario analysis of its execution, using a local government or a whole state. Then run the numbers again based on the obtainable costs as against ball park figures and present it to me again. How long will you need? 2 weeks? One month?'

'One week sir'.

Over-confident or naïve? We'd see.

'One week then, David. Make a new appointment with my secretary before you leave.'

I want to have a son like that, I thought to myself as I watched him leave. He had more smarts and guts in his pinkie than some of my colleagues did.

I was irritable already. Getting the company to back this boy had just become personal.


-------------------------------------------------------


David was too young when my husband passed. His brother Chidi only had vague memories of him. I think back to that period find that there are a few things to be grateful for: he died quickly - no long protracted illness or unending pain. Secondly, he left a will. Everything else was one big fight after the other. You see, the moment his people heard that he'd been crushed by a trailer at the dockyard where he worked, they swooped down on his property like the vultures and hawks that they are. My husband's people are no good. I shall say no more.

I would love to smile and say that the boys gave me no trouble. They did.

The saddest days of my life since my husband's passing were watching Chidi sentenced to jail for stealing, and the day David came home covered in blood after a street fight. I heard someone died in that fight, but the police never came for David - they said they had arrested the culprit.

But here I am, and I can smile about who my sons are now. Chidi, determined to help me put his brother through school, got a job as soon as he was released from his 2-year term. David is in school, and I have watched him struggle and fight to tame his temper. And I thank my God for answering my prayers.

Here he comes now, looking like the polished young men who come to buy belts and shirts from me. David had an interview today, with an 'investment banker'. Na wa. So there are jobs like that now? Not long ago you were either a banker or an investor. Hmm. As long as David gets the support, wetin consain me?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Something Grey, Something New

It was a cold wintry day.

Abeg wetin you dey talk? This sun was not for small children!

Hard as I tried, I couldn't concentrate on what my boss was saying.

'This man is short-tempered, but if you impress him, you can meet your target in one month from his deposits alone. You know what that means right? No smeh-smeh or any ...'

Please. One. Drop. Of. Water. Stop. Talking. It's. Making. My. Head. Ache.

'OK sir'.

'I won't be coming in with you'. Hmm! See setup! 'Oh ok. Oga you have another meeting, and want to save time abi?'

'Yes,' he grabbed at the out I gave him like a rat looking for the nearest exit. 'It's on the next street, so once you're ready, buzz me and I'll have the pool car come get you'.

What. Ever.

'Ok. See you in about 30 mins'

....

Not a shabby office.

'I'm here to see Mr. Dafe. Please tell him I'm colleague to Jide, Marketing Manager at Evergreen Bank. Here's my card'.

Madam Receptionist eyed the card like it had measles, scrutinised me (perhaps to see if I'd hidden my scandalous clothes somewhere underneath the well covered outfit I had on).

'Can I please have some water?'

'Do I look like a water dispenser? Mschew.'

Na wa. See venom. Hater! The only thing that saved her from a nasty verbal bruising was the fact that drama would be bad for new business, and she knew it. Make she try herself for neutral territory. Nonsense!

The dry lump in my throat seemed to increase with her sarky comment, and turn into a spinning, spiky ball. You know, the kind in that strepsil ad, lodged in the poor guy's throat before someone comes along and gives him a lozenge.

Fifteen minutes later Madam Hater ushered me in. I summoned the last few drops of saliva and swallowed to moisten my throat.

'Good afternoon, Mr. Dafe', and I cringed as I heard myself croak!

'Hello, Amaka'. He had an amused smile on his face. 'Please sit. Don't say anything just yet'. He reached into the bedside fridge beside him and brought out the most magical bottle of water I ever saw! I accepted it gratefully, and took a very restrained swig.

'Better now?' With the same amused smile that completely mortified me. I managed a small laugh of my own and said 'yes, thank you very much'

'Unfortunately I have a meeting in 20 mins. How's Jide? He's not here with you?' He queried.

'Jide had to be at a meeting with a client who's abt to leave town for a few weeks. He sent his regards and promised to drop by soon'.

'Ah. I see. Alright then. What can I do for you?'

I threw myself into it, and gave him the best sales pitch I'd ever heard. While we spoke, I took small mental notes. Graying hair - mid-forties. Simply dressed, everything understated screamed "class". His speech told me he was well educated. It was his eyes that told me he was unhappy.

We spoke a bit, and he promised to think about my offer. What I didn't know was that he had an offer of his own.

'When can I give you a call to find out your decision?'

'Over dinner. Tomorrow night.'

'I'm sorry? Dinner you said?' I was going into defence mode - shutters down, bars up, locks and bolts slamming into place.

'I'm busy tomorrow night'.

'How about the day after?'

'Mr. Dafe, I'm going to say this without any offence intended: I do not do dinner with married men, or my clients. I'm not the type. I do not shit where I eat. I want your business, but I will not compromise my morality to get it'.

He didn't look surprised. 'I apologise if it seems that way. I only want your company, nothing else. You seem like a nice lady and an intelligent one at that. I guess I enjoyed our chat and wanted to chat with you again'.

I just shook my head no. 'It was a pleasure meeting you sir. I hope you'll still do business with us'.

'As long as it's alright to give you a call and let you know my decision'.

'I'll expect your call sir'.

.....

I glanced at the image in the mirror on my way out. Satisfied, I opened the door to join my date in the car outside. 


'Hello Richard. You don't look like you've done a thing today' I said, smiling as he kissed my forehead.


'I wish! How was your day?'


'It just got better.'


I know what you're thinking. Stupid stupid girl.


Relax. It's Richard Bankole. No relative of Dafe.


My date with Dafe's tomorrow night. 


I bet you've got ants in your pants right now.





A Life For A Life


I can’t tell you why he’s sitting there, but I’ll try.

You see, the Okafors had just turned him down for the umpteenth time. He knew he had no other alternatives, no one else to turn to, no other recourse. He was entirely at their mercy, but he didn’t seem to care. He just sat there, head hung low, deep in thought, the saddest of expressions on his face.

He was a man whose heart was breaking, with no way to pick up the pieces.

You would feel incredibly sad if you looked at him, without even knowing why, and you’d want to share some of the burden he almost seemed to carry physically.

Jacob was trying to get the Okafors to give him their son to adopt – a case that was lost before it had had a chance to start.

Their gratitude didn’t move him. He needed his rock back. He lived for that rock.

I’ll give you a brief history.

She was young, he wasn’t ready. She tried to abort, and failed. She had the baby and snuck out of the hospital 2 days later, leaving the infant behind. It was that or her parents were going to cut her off and kick her out permanently. He pretended during the whole time that neither she nor the pregnancy existed.

5 years later, they met again, and discovered that they were still in love. So they mended their fences as all lovers do, got married a year later, and started to look for the abandoned child.

The day they came for Peter, Jacob was blissfully unaware. He was drawing animals in the stand with a stick, while Peter would identify them and try to draw his own, very funny imitation. He noticed a couple walk into the compound and greet. Where the greeting had been cordial initially, the temperature dropped somewhat when they saw the boy.

The ‘pleasantries’ were over quickly, the facts established, and a date was set. His wife cried all night that day, and all day the next day, until he had to send her to her sister’s place for a week, knowing Peter would be gone by the time she returned. The Okafors made it clear that they did not expect any resistance, as they would not like to spoil what could be a good friendship between the families by resorting to legal means.

That was when Jacob began what I like to call his pilgrimages. He travelled to the home of the Okafors with his brothers to plead for more time, against his father’s advice.

Too soon, it was time for Peter to move to his biological parents’ home.

For Jacob, it wasn’t that he Hauwa had been unable to have a child for 15 years. He loved his wife more than life itself and their childlessness had never driven a wedge between them.

It wasn’t that he thought the Okafors were unfit parents and should have been jailed for the way they treated the pregnancy. Or that he didn’t think they were ready yet to raise a child.

He thought these things were true, yet that wasn’t what drove him to ask for the impossible.

It was that Peter saved his life, literally.

He’d had severe clinical depression for 2 years, and did not seek help for it because he thought that his symptoms were normal reactions to his worsening financial situation, and a harsher economy. He blamed it on the weather, on bad people, on bad news – it was always bad news on the radio and anything else he felt wasn’t going right. It got worse steadily, until, one day, in desperation and frustration and disgust at himself, he decided to end it. The wife he loved more than life itself was better off married to someone else more deserving.

He went to work at the hospital as usual, and started cleaning. Uncharacteristic of him since his illness started, he had everything planned out. He would finish work, and find a quiet time and place during the day to drink a cup of bleach. He would lock the door so that they couldn’t get to him and try to save him. He figured an hour would be enough for the liquid to work. He was just a janitor. He would be replaced by tomorrow.

At about 9.30a.m., there was a commotion on the 3rd floor above him, in the maternity ward. The news spread round – the young mother – yes, the one who cried throughout and after delivery; she had turned tail and fled, leaving her baby behind. Purely out of curiousity, he went upstairs to take a look at the unloved infant, thinking that the boy must have been born deformed or worse.

He couldn’t believe how perfect this baby was. Something in his heart broke.

Moments later, when he heard the Chief Matron discussing what to do with the baby, he stepped forward and said ‘I will look after him’. When he insisted that he was serious about it, the matron passed on the news to the hospital management. When he closed for the day at 6p.m., he had the bundle in his arms, and a strict instruction to report the next day with his wife for proper guidance on care for the child.

On what should have been the last day of his life, he had found his purpose.

Jacob’s recovery was remarkable, and the first day Peter smiled at him, he wept tears of joy. Hauwa was thankful that her husband was back to his normal self, and for the little baby who had brought so much happiness to her as well. Though unspoken, it was as if they had both agreed never to mention the boy’s past or the possibility of that past coming to haunt them. Every day in the country, a child is abandoned in some hospital. Many of them never get a chance at having a home and end up street urchins or Lord only knows what. His past ceased to exist for them. They were all the parents Peter would ever need.

Even though Jacob got some assistance from the hospital, he put in extra hours to make extra money. Then he decided Peter needed a father he could be proud of, and enrolled himself in nursing school.

A short week after his final exams, his world had been snatched away from him because someone decided to come to their senses. Why couldn’t they just walk away like the parents of the thousands of homeless, unwanted children on the streets?

Sadly, he noted, they seemed to have cleaned up their act. Mrs. Okafor seemed a little more mature than she looked and acted 6 years ago.

And he? He felt lost.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. It was his darling Hauwa. She had no more tears, only stubborn determination in her eyes.

‘Come, my love. Let’s go. I didn’t want to tell you until I was very sure of it. We’re pregnant’.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Everyday I try to find something to make me happy. To motivate me. Today is one of those days that asides giving thanks to my Maker for life, everything else seems to be dragging - including my body.

I realize that my body doesn't move much anymore (any surprise that i'm bigger?), and neither does my mind. Oh it moves in the office - thinking about how to make the next sale and how to conjure up the words and activity for a tender and all that, but it's not movement that moves ME. So I decided that today, I'm going to write.

I'm going to write because I am at once happy to be in a world other than mine, peeping through other people's windows, observing the random musings and workings of their minds as they go through situations in places I created. I am also petrified by the thought that no one will like it and it will end up in an old unwanted writings home. But the second thought never stays with me long - it is fulfillment enough for me that i managed to put pen to paper, and that i finished the job.

My day job - heck my only job - is there i think, to prove to myself that I am intelligent, and smart, and can hold my own against some of the country's finest. Check. And it's on days like this morning that i wonder if i won't make a good housewife, and I'm really just being a hard nut. And then i remember what I'm capable of when left without work to do, and that gets me going.

I can think of any number of things i'd rather do - write and publish a book. Or two. Or more. My head's constantly going over and thinking of new business ideas - none of which i have time for.

So over the course of today, I'm going to write a short story, based on a few lines someone wrote on sixbillionsecrets.com.

I will make time.

Fingers crossed :)

Friday, October 29, 2010

I'm Sad...

So i can't wait to go dancing and forget all about it.